My Absence

Though this might be too personal for a sex blog, I feel as though everyone (including the companies for whom I review) has somewhat of the right to know why it seems as though I haven't posted in ages.

I'm not comfortable revealing details.. but in the past month and a half I have lost and gained more than I thought possible. I repaired my once broken engagement and have seen my fiance nearly every week. Each time I realize just how important he is to me and how I wish those small fragments of time we spend together could be the norm for us. Longing for the day when we can live together and be together every day.Working on our relationship has been hard, but very rewarding and definitely worth it. I'm glad that I was mentally able to forgive my fiance for what he did, and I'm glad that he was able to own up to his mistake and apologize to me honestly.

In the midst of that, a close family member was taken away. Though I'm sure it seems weak to be affected by that for so long, it has honestly been difficult to come to terms with the fact that she is gone. Today was her memorial service. It was at a catholic church, something that honestly makes me a little uncomfortable, but it was a beautiful service nonetheless, and I hope it gives everyone some closure. To me, I can't help but feel like she's still here. She was only my aunt, but to all the grandkids in the family she seemed almost like a mother whenever you were around her. She would have given you the shirt off of her back if she thought it would make you happy, and if you ever made mention of wanting or needing something while you were in her house, she would always spring up to get it for you, no matter what. Though its mostly little things that I have, I still cherish the things she gave me. When I had just turned 18 and didn't yet have a proper wallet, I was using the ratty old card holder my bank gave me for my debit card. I used it for months and to say it outlived its usefulness would be an understatement. Once, my mother and I were at her house and for whatever reason (I believe it was to show off my new drivers license) I had to get the old card holder out, commenting on how it barely held anything anymore, she jumped up and gave me a wallet insisting she didn't use it- I've had that wallet and I use it to this day. Even though its nothing anyone else would consider special, like a picture or a handmade trinket, I consider it special because she gave it to me and because its something I use every day.

She also sent me home once with an oil warmer, and she always gave everyone lots of candles, she was really into things like that. I guess its weird to say things like this to people that barely know me.

But.. these are the reasons why I've been gone. I've been close to my friends, as close as I can at least, but for the past month, I've barely been able to use sex toys at all much less write about them. I assure everyone I'm working with that I will get back 'on the ball' as soon as possible, and I apologize for any inconvenience I have caused. I suppose at the very least, things like this can assure everyone who watches or follows me that I am indeed human.